As we all know fear in all it's guises very often stops us doing the things that we would love to do. Fear of looking stupid in other's eyes, fear of failure, fear of surprising family and friends etc. We all change and over the years and people around us can find these changes disturbing. Change is scary!
Well you're most probably wondering what this has got to do with gardening. Nothing! But i know from my own experience that i have a strong fear of failure and the consequence of failure, in that it will make me feel bad about myself. Which puts one on a cycle of continuous disatsifaction with oneself. 'If only' are powerful words. If only i had more money I would be happy. If only I had the love of my life, a new car, better family relations, better job... and as you know the list can be endless.
Reaching that stage in our life where we realise that we already have everything right here inside of us and nothing external should have the power over us to effect our basic happiness. Of course there are always exceptions, ill health in others, accidents etc, but our fundamental beliefs can set us free from this commercial, materalistic world we live in and look at the more core issues in our environment and to appreciate the world and nature that has been provided for us by 'whoever' God, Higher power, evolution, Allah ............. For me there is a 'source' that has brought about our existence and a route that we take, and lessons we learn. I remember thinking that at 39 i knew everything, only to find at 40 i knew nothing whatsoever. Life continues to surprise me and I still consider myself a novice that might run out of years before i manage to learn a jot of what there is out there to learn, but in the meantime I am trying to follow my passions as these i feel are an important part of us if not the main part. What am i here for? What is my destiny? What am i meant to do with my life? We all ask ouselves these questions. Well maybe Richard Branson doesn't, I'm not sure :-)
If we listen to our truth and respond with actions that feel right for us, we are following our soul's requirements. Follow your passion and if you don't know what it is yet, maybe its not the right time to know it. Sit, meditate and keep yourself open to coincidences that happen around you.
I used to paint watercolours and loved it so much... time stopped when i painted, there was nothing except me and my painting when i was lost in my passion. Then events changed, a divorce from my former husband and the life and children changes that occur in this situation. Painting went on the back burner, paints were packed away. After a couple of years I unpacked them and found myself unable to bring myself to start. Why? Fear! The memory of being able to paint was safer than risking finding out i couldn't (I would have lost my passion). They were packed away again and now 12 years later I decided that the fear of failure and the chance of finding out that I couldn't paint was holding me back from being who I felt was my best person. I bit the bullet and painted. These are my first paintings. Not great, but they are a start and the feeling came back that i thought i might have lost. The passion!